Mind Game

My head hurt, I tried opening my eyes but they hurt too. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice which said “Amaya are you okay, don’t worry it will all be fine. We are here now.”
“They are lying”, a voice hissed in my head so loud that I was compelled to listen to it. “Don’t pay heed to them, not them, only I am here for you.” This voice reassured me.
This voice was so soothing, I had to listen to it as I knew this person in my head was my only true confidant.
I struggled to open my eyes and saw blurred figures around me. Looking at them pained me so deep for all the hurt I was caused. I knew they were not here for me, I knew they never wanted my good, they were here to enjoy watching me go down. I was nothing but a disappointment to them. “Yes exactly Amaya. You are finally getting my point.” The voice echoed in my head. “They all despise you. You are safe with me.”
I wanted to look away, staring at the blank wall was my only comfort now.
I knew I was in a different place, a wall I had built for myself to shut myself out and I wasn’t afraid of being in this darkness, it bought solace to me, comforted me like no one else. The darkness engulfed me and protected me from everything bad.
I felt like a lost child who had finally found home. This dark place was my new home, and this voice my only friend.
The only one who truly believed in me, loved me, respected me.
“Close your eyes Amaya.” The voice said. It was so soothing to listen to it, to obey every word, it bought me so much relief. As I closed my eyes I spiraled into the darkness beneath, it did not scare me at all, the world outside did. “That’s it Amaya, now you are safe. Don’t ever go back to the place where you don’t belong, where you are not wanted.”
This Grief was so deep yet it was so peaceful to lie there filled in it. There was sadness all over, hopelessness too, yet I felt like I am in my comfort zone. I wanted to live in this grief, It bought me comfort. I wanted to hear this voice over and over again and obey it everytime.
“Amaya, dear are you listening to us? Amaya we love you. We all love you so much, please talk to us.” came a distant voice.
They say they love me I reasoned. “Hush they don’t love you. I know it they don’t”, said the voice.
“But they are saying it again and again they love me.”
“No, those are just voices inside your head, you need to make them go away and sleep.”
“Yes I needed sleep.” I had to listen to this voice, it was after all the only one who was there for me.

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